It seems like such a small thing, asking a question. But when you’re building a relationship or trying to become close with someone you’re dating, asking the right relationship questions can make a huge difference in the way you relate to each other.
“There are so many different couples out there,” explains psychologist and couple’s therapist Dr. Lonnie Barbach. “There are some couples that are very shy, quiet, or introverted and they actually don’t talk to each other very much. Others aren’t sure how to have the conversations that can help a relationship. Questions give people skills and direction to talk about things constructively.”
Barbach should know. In addition to her psychology work, she’s also the Head of Content at the popular Happy Couple app. The app, which now has over 65,000 monthly active members, helps couples get to know each other better and grow in their relationships by asking them (sometimes fun, sometimes serious) daily questions and letting them compare their answers.
So why is it so important to ask relationship questions?
“Couples, especially in the beginning of a relationship, always try to do what they think the other person wants them to do, but most people are bad guessers,” says Barbach. “By being direct they have more information and won’t always be guessing or making assumptions.”
A prime example is when one person in a relationship needs more alone time than their partner. It can create conflicts where one partner begins to think, Oh, they don’t want to be with me, that must mean they don’t care about me. In reality, one partner may simply be used to having more alone time and not even realize how they’re making the other person feel.
“Asking questions clears up the confusion,” stresses Barbach. “It’s not just about finding out if you’re compatible. It’s about knowing your differences and understanding them so you can accept them.”
To help you out we’ve compiled a sample of 60 relationship questions from the Happy Couple app. Check them out to learn more about your partner and your relationship. And if you’re looking for more questions (3,000 more to be exact) try the Happy Couple app to compare your answers to your partner’s.
“An intimate relationship is all about talking about how you’re feeling,” says Barbach. “You don’t automatically know how somebody likes their coffee. So go ahead and ask!”
60 Relationship Questions to Ask Your Partner:
How do you feel about how much time you spend together?
Would you say that your partner understands what you are feeling?
How important is it for you to equally divvy up chores?
How much alone time do you need?
How content are you with the amount of non-sexual affection in the relationship?
The two of you are hitting the great outdoors. What would you prefer to spend the day doing?
What would you prefer to do on a Saturday night?
How would you rate your kissing?
Do you think you and your partner share the same values?
Do you think a couple’s finances should be together or separate?
Do you think you and your partner share the same values?
Where would you choose to live right now—the city, the suburbs, a small town, or somewhere rural/isolated?
Given the realities of your current life, how often would you like to have sex?
What kind of vacation would you enjoy most?
When it comes to “the baby question,” how do you feel? Do you want kids?
How important is physical chemistry to you?
What is the best gift your partner could give you?
How do you feel about traveling outside the country?
What’s the main way you show your love?
If your partner had close friends of the opposite sex, how would you feel?
How big of a role does spirituality or religion play in your life??
When you and your partner disagree, what do you say to resolve it?
How do you feel about physical fitness?
What do you do when your partner feels sad?
How do you feel about your exes?
How do you feel about your partner’s exes?
How do you think you and your partner handle fights?
How important is sex to you?
How do you like to spend your free time?
How do you feel about what your partner does for a living?
How does your partner feel about what you do for a living?
How do you respond when your partner is very late to meet you?
Do you know about the first time your partner had sex?
When do you think it’s the right time for people to meet each other’s parents/families?
When life gets you down, how do you deal with it?
When there’s nothing to eat in the fridge, what do you do?
What are the most difficult topics for you to share with your partner?
What makes you feel most loved?
How do you feel about being interrupted?
How do you want to be treated when you’re down or depressed?
Whose death would hit you the hardest?
Would you take a more interesting job for a steep pay cut?
What do you think happens after you die?
How do you express your creative side?
If you could do anything for work and not worry about money, what would you do?
What do you do when you can’t go to sleep?
Who was your childhood best friend?
What’s your relationship with your parents like?
Do you like being the center of the attention or prefer to stand back?
What’s your greatest fear?
What was your favorite year of life?
What’s your favorite book?
What do you do when you have to have a hard conversation with someone?
Where in world would you most like to visit?
What’s your hidden talent?
What was your favorite subject in school?
Do you avoid conflict with your partner?
Do you like to get the good new or the bad news first?
What, if any, holiday traditions do you have?
Do you set goals for yourself?
Get the Happy Couple app now on Google Play, the App Store, or on the Windows Store.